I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
