i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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