I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
