how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
