I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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