Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
