I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
