Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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