You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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