so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
