I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
