omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
