So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
