he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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