All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's a naked man in my car right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
