my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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