you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
