Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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