Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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