i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
