Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
