Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He shit in the fireplace
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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