So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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