Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
zippers are such a cool invention
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
