he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
