apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
