ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The uberlube is also flammable
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
