So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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