dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
