yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
