mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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