I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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