I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
