Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
