you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
