Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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