We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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