"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize