You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish I only lived at night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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