i just had sex bonerless
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
