he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
