So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
