I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
