I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
