I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
