Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
