someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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