did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
