my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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