why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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