I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
