On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize