Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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