oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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