So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
