I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
