tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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