drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
