walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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